my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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