Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
