I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize