Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
