Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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