i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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