How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
