Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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