I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
