Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
