Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
