i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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