i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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