So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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