hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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