Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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