my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well most of my day revolves around power hour
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
