shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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