Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
