I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I cut my penus on the lid.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
