david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
