so explain again why im purple
no
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
