It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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