yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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