Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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