i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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