I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
