i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
