The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
