made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize