Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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