I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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