in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
