Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
