NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
