9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
