It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
