My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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