You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
