I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
