i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I want her autograph on my taint
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
