is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
