the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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