dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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