Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
