I will die if light touches me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
