Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
