oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize