K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
