Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
