Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
