I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
