that's an acceptable place to lick
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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