Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
someone owes me an orgasm
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
