ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
