While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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