it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
