I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
