His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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