Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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