Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
