Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
