Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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