Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
