She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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