Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
