dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
