Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
