I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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