Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
