she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
