Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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