I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
